How do I say sorry?

Most of us learned to say "I'm sorry" as children. But many of us were never taught what makes an apology meaningful—or why some apologies help repair relationships while others leave us feeling even more hurt.

But have you ever thought about what makes a good apology, or how your apology is received by the other person? 

You may have received an apology from your partner, friend, and/or family member that sounds like: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but…” and these apologies don’t feel authentic or supportive. That’s because there’s a caveat to the apology and it seems to imply that you’re being “too sensitive.” The person’s intention may not have been to hurt you, but if they did, then they owe you a sincere apology. A sincere apology acknowledges what happened, takes responsibility without making excuses, expresses genuine remorse, and includes a commitment to do better. A meaningful apology also includes a genuine effort to avoid repeating the behavior.

To learn more about apologies, check out Harriet Lerner’s book, Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.