Do we really need to talk about my childhood in therapy?

Therapists often use the term "family of origin" to describe the people and environment that shaped you while you were growing up. Talking about them may feel like an unnecessary step that brings up old issues that are no longer pertinent. Or it may even feel like you’re blaming your early family for why you are struggling now.  

The purpose is not to place blame or label your childhood as “bad,” or the people who raised you as “bad.” Exploring your upbringing can help you understand patterns you may repeat in relationships, the ways you respond to conflict, and the beliefs you developed about yourself and others. It is about improving the quality of your life and your relationships. For many people, understanding their caregivers' experiences and limitations can provide context. This doesn't mean excusing hurtful behavior or ignoring the impact it had on you. Knowledge about the source of your patterns doesn't mean you are stuck with them. Therapy can help you decide what you want to carry forward—and what you want to change.